


Uchiha Itachi: retired assassin, full time florist

by uraniafromspace



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Good Uchiha Itachi, I'll protect him, Itachi is a sweet cinamon roll, Other, Uchiha Itachi Being a Good Brother, Uchiha Itachi-centric, mention of SasuNaru
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:27:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25143118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uraniafromspace/pseuds/uraniafromspace
Summary: In which Itachi, Uchiha heir extraordinaire, becomes a florist.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 73





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to make this an ItaSaku, but then I thought, what the hell, I just want to make Itachi happy. So I decided to give him some friends and have him interact with people in general, and, you know, have the quiet, peaceful life he deserves.   
> This is the biggest chapter I have so far, so basically this fic will consist of small Itachi-centric scenes/vignettes. Each chapter stands on its own, there’s not much plot or anything here, just basically giving Itachi a good life, because he’s a sweet cinnamon roll, idc what anyone else says. Warning that his might still be turned into an ItaSaku, not sure about it, but if I do, it’ll be just one chapter, probably the last one.   
> This is also my first fic at this fandom, so I’m really excited to have some feedback!  
> Hope you guys enjoy!

“I don’t believe this.” Sakura's blond friend muttered, nose almost touching the teashop’s glass, blue eyes scanning the busy street ahead with a focus that ensured her position as number one gossip in town.

Sakura took a sip of her drink, unperturbed by Ino's usual display of nosiness.

“What is it this time, Pig?”

“Just look at that, Forehead!”

Ino waves a very pink nail in front of Sakura, pointing it to a truck on the other side of the street, the only thing amiss in the otherwise calm and peaceful hidden village of Konoha.

There's a huge commotion taking place, for some mysterious reason. The sun is blaring hot outside, over the heads of a small crowd gathered around a moving truck, watching with rapt attention as appliances are taken to the sidewalk by big burly men.

Commanding the display is a tall, slim figure, who stands in the shadows with a large box in hands, face impassive and expressionless as he gestures to one of the men to the two-story building on his back. Sakura gapes, shocked, watching as Uchiha Itachi moves around, taking what seems to be his belongings inside.

“Did Sasuke mention anything about his brother leaving the district?” Ino pries. Sakura shakes her head no, still watching the commotion of civilians ahead and trying to understand what the hell the Uchiha heir is doing moving out of the compound. Ino murmurs some more to herself. The pinkette takes a sip of her oolong tea, shamelessly gawking at the scene in curiosity.

As if on cue, Sasuke rounds the corner, strolling unconcerned about, with his pet Naruto chatting in tow. Ino spots the boys too, and immediately stands, promptly leaving the teashop to meet them. Sakura casts a sad last glance at her tea, before running after her friends.

“SASUKE!” The noisy girl yells under the warm weather, making the boys wince, a hand on her hip. “Why didn’t you tell me your brother was moving?”

Catching up, Sakura frowns.

“Ino! Stop sticking your big, fat nose where it doesn’t belong. Now, Sasuke.” The pink haired girl smiles ominously. Naruto recoils, trying to seem as inconspicuous as his orange garb allows, looking at his teammates with wide, scared eyes. “Why didn’t you tell _me_ , _your dear teammate_?”

The raven haired boy merely shrugs, dangerously ignoring the looming waves emanating from his friend, no longer under the protection of her former crush.

“Didn’t think it was a big deal.”

“You didn’t think it was a big deal?” Ino butts in again, outraged. “ _You didn’t think it was a big deal?_ This is the juiciest piece of gossip I’ve heard all year!” (Sakura could swear Ino repeated this particular sentence every week).

Naruto breaks right after her, deciding that if Sakura isn’t mad at him, he can be mad a Sasuke too.

“Teme! You didn’t even tell your _best friend_ that your freaky brother was moving out?”

“It’s just clan politics.” He says, as if it’s the most unimportant thing ever. They all face slap and sigh. Sasuke can be so dense sometimes.

“Ah, Sasuke.” Comes a low baritone from somewhere around. There, standing six feet from them, is the subject of their conversation, dressed in simple black clothes, giving no external clues that he had been listening to every single word out of their mouths, like he probably had (with being a freakishly good ninja and all that). “Have you come to assist me?”

“Mother asked me to see how you were doing.”

“There are some boxes on the truck.”

Scowling at the unassuming manner in which his brother was bossing him around but unable to directly disobey, Sasuke heads to where Itachi had pointed, smacking Naruto on the back of the head on his way and muttering complaints under his breath about the raucous blonde, who runs after him insulting him back, much more loudly.

Sasuke’s brother shakes his head imperceptibly and curves his lips in what would be considered an almost insignificant display of emotion for any other human being, but, for a well-versed person in Uchiha body language, can only be read as a major expression of _affection_.

Turning to the girls, the man smiles more prominently, without teeth, in a clear attempt to exaggerate his features and seem like a pleasant, normal human being, instead of a tight ball of emotional repression and low-key murderer. He greets them politely and, just as he’s excusing himself, disaster follows.

The moving is in full swing, two of the biggest guys grabbing onto a huge wooden desk, an antique, by the looks of it. One of them drops it, making the heavy furniture fall spectacularly on his foot. In a heartbeat, the three of them are ganging up on the fallen worker, Itachi running inside to hand him a glass of water, Ino trying to fix the mangled limb and Sakura urging the crowd to disperse before turning, grabbing the fallen desk with one arm and proceeding to effortlessly carry it inside.

To say Itachi is disconcerted to have his little brother’s teammate doing all the heavy lifting is an understatement (not that normal people could tell, but still). “Really, Itachi-san, it’s no trouble at all,” the girl smiles at him, with his couch above her head, like it weights as much as a kitten.

This obviously means Itachi has suddenly invited Konoha’s loudest people into his home, to help him in the moving. Things from there on spiral downhill (as any sane person would describe), with two pairs of screaming teenagers… well, screaming, throwing insults at each other. Miraculously, none of Itachi’s things are damaged, except for an old painting, some ugly smash of greens scattered around the canvas, one of Shisui’s attempts at art. He doesn’t seem to mourn its loss.

Their work is monstrous, though, those kids can do magic in-between yells, with which Itachi is pretty impressed. He’d heard about Team 7’s brawl-ish power, but he could have never imagined what it looked like when put into action. (To sum it up: like a bar fight, only the place wasn’t being destroyed, that was just the general _energy,_ they were actually putting everything in place).

“Itachi-nii,” Yells Naruto, after they finished their work, when they’re all sitting around his table to sip on the tea Itachi had kindly offered to brew. “What’s the first floor going to be?”

Sasuke’s eyes gleam with an evil twist as he buries his head into the teacup with an expression decidedly less constipated than usual. Itachi ignores him and smiles.

“A flower shop.”

Sakura ungracefully spurts the tea she’d been drinking from her nose, which is the cue Sasuke had been waiting for to start _chortling_ so hard his forehead hits the table with a dull thud. Ino simply looks at him overjoyed, ready to burst out the door and start spreading this rumor as fast as is inhumanly possible.

“A flower shop?” Naruto asks, incredulous.

“Yes.” Itachi states, pleasantly, like he isn’t announcing his early retirement and basically saying one of the most dangerous shinobi in existence is greeting life as a civilian. “I hope you aren’t cross, Ino-san. You’re all welcome to visit next week, when we open up.”

They don’t know if they’re hallucinating at this point, very probably, yes. Indeed, they are ready to believe the tea Itachi has brewed is not, in fact, the soothing chamomile announced, but something much more psychotropic. This is corroborated when he proudly hands each of them a card that reads, in neat, clean letters:

_Uchiha Flower Shop_

_Number 84, Nakama Street, Main District_

So begins the journey of Itachi, Uchiha heir extraordinaire, super-achieving genius, former ANBU assassin and proud florist.


	2. Ino

Ino’s average day had a busy schedule. Wake up, shower, put on some beautiful but practical clothes, apply make-up that made her look absolutely fabulous and didn’t melt with all the physical activity she did, train with the most annoying teammates to ever exist, lunch, do her rounds at the hospital, help her mom at their shop, observe and help during interrogations when it was needed and, finally, drop dead in her bed by the end of the day.

And recently, of course, during her almost inexistent spare time, be tailed by Uchiha Itachi and have discussions about _flowers._

Not that she was the type of girl to complain about being followed around by an attractive man, if he had any reason to seek her other than to talk about flower arranging methods. Would it kill him to just praise her eyes, for a change, like every other guy in the village? Ino didn’t think so.

Anyway, there must be a vein or something pulsing in her forehead after two days of stalking, because Itachi turns to her with that deadly-kind smile and speaks.

“Thank you so much for patiently sharing your knowledge with me, Ino-san.”

Which just. Ugh. Breaks her a little with how heartfelt and genuine he seems. So she lets him tail her more, and goes over to his shop the day before inauguration to see if he has the hang of everything. (He does. The guy is a genius, can make a breathtaking bouquet in thirty seconds).

Ino still shouts instructions to him, as if she’s talking to Shikamaru.

“Don’t forget, ask the customer what is it they’re getting flowers for, this is important. You don’t want someone buying roses to their grandma, that’s just tacky.”

Her shadow nods once, listening to every word she says, but gesturing probably for her own benefit. Itachi, Ino has learned, is just beginning to get the grasp of human interactions, having spent much of his life in missions that required absolute discretion and little to no emotions.

“But if you suggest something and they’re not swayed, just accept it and go with it.” She sighs. “There was this old lady one time that wanted to put sunflowers on someone’s _grave_ …. No matter how many times I said those weren’t mourning flowers, she simply _would not_ listen.”

Itachi makes a non-comital noise, much like his brother when he wants to assure people he’s listening, even though he’s perusing the book in front of him. Ino continues.

“I’m already used to not being heard, though.” The man looks at her. “Oh, no Itachi-san, I mean Shikamaru. And Chouji. But mostly Shikamaru. I’ve been telling him all month to just go to Suna already and ask Temari out, but did he _listen?_ Oh, no he didn’t, because he’s too lazy to move, apparently.”

She can tell her companion is only half-listening out of politeness, but still, he’s not asking her to shut up, so she continues while he does another (flawless, gut-wrenchingly beautiful) bouquet.

“And Chouji is no better.” Ino eyes his work jealously. “Cut the thorns of the roses, civilian’s fingers are sensitive.” She sighs. “He’s so sweet and kind, but every girl he dates ends up crushing his heart. I _told him_ to be tougher, not to let them run all over him, because then I’m the one who’s saddled to mend his broken heart. He is so naïve! It’s infuriating.”

“Sometimes it’s best to just let your friends make mistakes and not scold them, Ino-san.”

“Well.” Ino huffs, off-putted by Itachi’s input. “It feels good to say ‘I told you so’ after they mess up.”

He chuckles quietly, finishing the arrangement.

This is the exact moment when she decides that her shadow isn’t so bad, and so proceeds to unload all the village gossip on him, as a reward for being such a nice guy and listening to her complaints. He doesn’t protest _at all._

Ino feels like she got a new best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it!


	3. Naruto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should update this fic more regularly, since the chapters are so small, but I'm one of those people who have absolutely zero dimension of time, so a week just feels like two days. Also, I decided not to make this an ItaSaku, because Sakura is still a teen, and I'm not going to make a teen have a relationship with an adult, even though I like the pairing. Hope you guys like this!

“Yo, Itachi-nii!” Barges an orange blot into Konoha’s newest flower shop a week after opening, as loudly as humanly possible. Behind him, the door slams so hard against the threshold that a nearby vase splashes to the ground and breaks. The boy grins sheepishly, with his hand on his neck. “Sorry.”

The client Itachi is attending frowns, but the man on the counter keeps the pleasant smile on his face, unbothered by the blonde’s attack to one of his beautiful ornaments.

“Ah, Naruto-kun. Why don’t you look around while I finish helping Yamada-san with her arrangement?”

“Sure!”

The raven-haired prodigy continues to smile patiently to Yamada-san, listening as the old lady explains that she needs daffodils for her granddaughter’s birthday. Haruka-chan simply loved those flowers, perhaps the young, lovely owner would be able to deliver it, her joints aren’t what they used to be, and the girl lived on the other side of town. Had she mentioned that Haruka-chan was very beautiful and just three years his junior? It would make Yamada-san’s day to see her granddaughter with such a sweet, caring man like Itachi-kun.

In the background, Naruto tries (in vain) to be as inconspicuous as possible, even as his hands poke and prod every single flower he finds on his way. There’s a weird red one that seems funny enough, so he plays with it until the exchange is finished. Or, nearly. He forgets Itachi is busy and interrupts him, yelling loudly “what’s this weird plant?” as he points a rigid finger to a flower near the corner.

Itachi glances to the plant, so fast the civilian woman with him can’t even see the gesture. “An indian shot,” he says distractedly, then immediately continues. “Yes, Yamada-san, I’m certain she will love her gift no matter who delivers them.”

The jinchuuriki grimaces to the plant, for a lack of better entertainment, hoping it will do anything back, but the thing remains annoyingly unresponsive.

“It looks like Sasuke.”

Itachi ignores him for his client.

“I _do_ like katsu-don, Yamada-san, but I’m afraid my mother will be very displeased if I do not come to dinner every night.”

“Such a sweet woman, Mikoto-san! Tell her I said hello. But next time she lets you off the hook, come have dinner with us, I’d love to introduce you to Haruka-chan!”

His mouth twitches into something that resembles a smile. “Good luck with the daffodils.”

The woman grins broadly to Itachi, and throws Naruto an ugly parting look. A little bell over the door announces her departure from the precinct and Naruto groans.

“I thought she’d never leave.”

Ever the law-breaker, the blonde sits on the counter, for a lack of any other seats available. Itachi doesn’t even blink.

“Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei left on some dumb mission to Rice Country. And I get to be stuck on Konoha because the old perv is still on the hospital. _”_ Sigh. “That idiot teme has all the cool missions!”

Itachi makes some noise of understanding, backing his attention to a nearby watering can, since this is more about venting than anything else.

“My brother’s missions are hardly ever impressive.”

“But I wanted to go out too!”

From the counter, Naruto still complains loudly, muttering insults to his brother.

“Soon enough Jiraya will leave the hospital wing, and Sasuke will return to make you company.”

“I don’t need that idiot jerk to come make me company. All he does is brood.” He kicks his leg up in the air, shoulders sagged. “Ne, Itachi, don’t you think Sasuke is an asshole?”

Itachi prances around, watering all of the lovely plants of his shop, looking like the poster child for peace and contentment, contributing minus three thousand points to the image of most dangerous shinobi of the village.

“My brother is simply an angry teenager, Naruto.”

Naruto jumps to the ground, slightly shaking it underneath his feet. “I’m a teenager too, and I don’t act like a total jerk!”

“Of course not, Naruto-kun.” The Uchiha doesn’t add any of the boy’s other annoying juvenile habits that his brother does not possess. It would probably be unproductive for the conversation and only make his ears hurt from the endless yelling. Itachi would rather preserve his health and sanity, thank you very much.

So he turns to the flower Naruto was looking before. It did really look like Sasuke. If the broody teen were a plant, that is.

“Why don’t you give this to Sasuke when he returns?” The raven haired hands him his precious flower, vase and all. The boy blinks. “I’m sure he’ll be less likely to murder you on sight then.”

Naruto changes the weight of his body from left foot to right foot, looking suddenly very uncertain. Itachi is having the emotional equivalent of the ‘want to pinch his cheeks’ reaction in Uchiha silent language, but his face remains as emotionally clear as a blank canvas.

“Wouldn’t it be… weird?”

“Why?” Itachi raises an eyebrow.

“I don’t know… Don’t boys normally give girls flowers?”

“Do you want to give this to Sasuke?”

“Yeah…”

“So it won’t be weird.”

Naruto thinks this sentence over for all of one second before he smiles as bright as the sun, the boyish grin that has turned foes into friends, that would probably be capable of ending literal wars, jumping in his place and storming out of the flower shop, screaming “Later, ‘Tachi!” and disappearing from sight.

Itachi continues his peaceful tending, blissfully uncaring that Konoha's loudest brat was going to be his brother-in-law. 

Gai was right. Young love really was like a beautiful spring blossom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sure Naruto would call Itachi Itachi-nii if he hadn’t, you know, murdered his whole clan. It’s not even up for debate, it’s canon in my head.


	4. Shikamaru

Itachi finds Shikamaru sleeping under his shop’s counter for the first time three weeks after opening. He is honestly very surprised, given his (admittedly paranoid) security measures, traps, explosive tags, genjutsu and all sorts of things shinobi didn’t even _know_ existed that he had put on the place to keep people out, unable to simply forget all of his ninja training, despite his attempts. (Also because it would be unwise for someone in the Bingo Book to let their front door open without _any_ protection, and although Itachi had _many_ faults, he still hadn’t developed any suicidal tendencies yet).

Itachi is seriously impressed with the kid’s skill and determination to break into the shop just to lie on the cramped space behind the counter, hidden from view and simply _sleep_ , so he lets him there and opens up for the afternoon.

About two hours later, Shikamaru gets up from the ground without a word, checks the streets through the glass and goes, like this was a normal, everyday behavior for people.

To say Itachi is disconcerted is an understatement, but he just let the boy be.

This becomes a pattern by the time someone finally sheds a light into Itachi’s head, because, you know, for all of his freakishly good ninja abilities, the man honestly has no intention of prying into people’s lives. (If he does listen to Ino’s gossip, it just means he’s being polite, not nosy, his mom taught him better).

So it’s a beautiful Konoha day, skies clear and streets busy when suddenly Ino stomps into his shop.

“Have you seen Shikamaru? He’s been disappearing these days and _no one_ knows where that lazy head has been hiding.”

The faint breathing that had been coming from behind the counter almost stops. Itachi smiles pleasantly.

“I’m sorry, Ino.”

The girl shrieks, (he might be momentarily deaf).

“He’ll _see it_ when I put my hands on him! _I’ll_ _kill him_ , his mom’s been looking for him for _ages_ now and he just vanishes! Why do I have to be stuck with a team of _useless boys_? I bet he’s somewhere off _sleeping_.”

Itachi makes what he hopes is a sympathetic face as an answer. Ino groans and recomposes herself, breathing and schooling her expression into a nice smile.

“Anyway, Itachi-san, I haven’t been here in a while, how’s the shop going?”

He smiles in return. “Good.”

She grins widely. Itachi feels shivers down his spine, and _not_ the good kind either. 

“That’s _great!_ By the way, have you heard that Sasuke and Naruto are a thing now?”

He looks so innocent at that moment that he should close his shop immediately and just be an actor, he’s _that_ good. Ino continues.

“Yeah, _so much._ But that’s been going on since _forever._ They’re all like ‘Sasuke this’ and ‘Naruto _that’,_ I mean, it was _so_ obvious. The whole village’s been going crazy, like they haven’t seen those two dorks chasing each other around for _years_ on end. Hinata and Sakura are devastated, poor things _.”_

Having been receiving privileged information from the exact person who is now standing in front of him, Itachi is skeptical, to say the least, that Hinata and Sakura are really _devastated,_ as Ino had put.

“I thought Hinata-san was dating?”

Ino beams.

“You _remembered_! I’m so glad to have someone who actually listens to me once in a while. All Shikamaru and Chouji do is sit there and complain.” She rolls her eyes, then pops them open. “Oh, yeah, that big headed shogi nerd! I gotta go, Itachi-san! It was nice catching up. Bye!”

Itachi waves as she leaves. He never quite knows how exactly his conversations with Ino develop, he always loses track of things, the girl’s mouth runs faster than Shisui, and that is saying something. All he knows is that there’s always gossip and complaining, not necessarily in that order.

From his hidden spot, Shikamaru finally sighs heavily, like an eighty-year old tired of life grandpa, instead of the sixteen-year old agile ninja that he is.

“Annoying,” he says standing up, unpacking his cigarettes and leaving too.

 _Huh,_ thinks the Uchiha to himself.

Next time, it’s the Akimichi boy who shows up, with what looks like three dozen takoyakis in his arms. The boy engulfs five in one go, spitting a little bit of octopus in a yellow rose as he asks in the middle of a bite.

“Itachi-san, have you seen Shikamaru?”

Faithfull as ever, Itachi bears the most apologetic face he can muster, the lying _conman. “_ I have not.”

The boy sighs from somewhere between that hair and all the fried food someone could have possibly consumed in a week. “Oh, well. Thank you, Itachi-san.”

Itachi waters his plants. Shikamaru lets out a loud snore.

Shikamaru in the Uchiha flower shop becomes such a normal occurrence that Itachi just never falters when people ask him if he’s seen the Nara genius somewhere. The answer is always a resounding no.

Once, he is late in closing for lunch time, so the boy appears when he is still tidying up, a broomstick in his hands, sweeping leafs out of the otherwise pristine floor.

The boy docks from the glass first thing, ninja training kicking in at all speed with the danger of being spotted by someone and losing his nap haven.

“I apologize for the mess, Shikamaru-kun. Please make yourself comfortable.” He does not need to be told twice, promptly sitting on the dusty floor.

“Let me sweep that up so that you can lie down in peace,” says the Uchiha, not unlike a very worried stay-at-home mom.

Itachi finishes the cleanup and, when he goes to lunch, Shikamaru is already sound asleep.

“Uchiha, where is that lazy bastard?”

By this point in time, Itachi has become so used to people looking for Shikamaru he doesn’t even bat an eyelash, just politely tells them that _no, he hasn’t seen Shikamaru-kun since the hanamatsuri, thank you for stopping by, would you like to get some flowers_? _The orchids have beautifully blossomed this season,_ which always makes people discomforted, for some reason he has no idea _._

(Maybe just the fact that _the_ Uchiha Itachi was saying things like “the orchids have beautifully blossomed”, like that’s as normal as him saying “I have just returned from my millionth successfully accomplished mission, here’s my report, Hokage-sama” like those are equivalents. Which is not, by the general public’s eye.)

“Have you tried the hills, Temari-san?” he asks, like he hadn’t already repeated it so many times he could almost put up a sign on his door beneath the _welcome!._ stating _Nara Shikamaru cannot be found in the precinct at the moment_. “I heard he is quite fond of cloud watching.”

“Cut the crap” the girl snarls angrily. Itachi almost feels personally insulted, but he’s well versed in dealing with teenagers between all of the crazy friends Sasuke has who constantly importunate him in his shop by now, so he’s not fazed.

The unnervingly polite smile never falters from his face.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, Temari-san.”

A silent staring battle ensues between the two shinobi, Itachi with his beautifully composed, toothless smile and Temari of the Sand, who eyes him like she’d like nothing more than to take him to Anbu’s headquarters and interrogate him on her boyfriend’s whereabouts.

The Uchiha heir will _not_ break, he’s laughed on death’s face more times than he can count, at this point he and Shikamaru have a silent bro-bond, no girl can come between.

The lightning inducing passive-aggressive staring lasts about half a minute, though Itachi could have stood there looking amicable and calm if Tsunade herself had been standing in front of him yelling drunkenly about his incompetence and throwing her desk at his face. (Wait. That had already happened).

But Shikamaru does not seem to be so strong. He stands nervously, breaking a cold sweat and surrendering. The boy is a genius, knows when a fight is lost, so he valiantly – if not snappishly, she’d interrupted his goddamn nap time, woman – faces her and marches to the inescapable fate of listening to his girlfriend yell at him for two hours straight.

Before they go, he pats Itachi on the back in companionship, diving head-strong into death, like a good soldier going to war.

Itachi never shows any reaction, but he does a little salute for the boy inside his mind and commends him for being such a good example for all of Konoha shinobi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half-way through this chapter I realized I wanted Ino to turn Itachi into a low-key gossiper, which is kind of OOC, but I’m ALL HERE for it  
> Sorry for the delay, these last couple of weeks have been busy. I've had an online oral test for the one and only subject I did during the pandemic (again. At least I passed it the second time) and my internship is picking up again this week, courts stopped for a while during this period but now basically the judiciary system of my country is back to work on non-emergency processes, so here I go writing lawsuits (sad)  
> I won't be dropping this fic, but I wanted to explain this. thank you all so much for reading, leaving kudos, bookmarks or just quietly enoying this :)


	5. Sasuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!

Now that Itachi is not the bone tired, workload-ed, Anbu-captain, Hokage’s-right-arm that he used to be, he _finally_ has time to train with his cute little brother. No matter that said little brother actually _despises_ when he uses any word that is remotely similar to “cute” to describe him, Itachi has never really listened, because he’s clearly too much of a hormonal, angst-y teenager to have a valid opinion on anything.

Besides, nothing Itachi does or does not do could be more embarrassing than Sasuke’s friends and boyfriend, who Sasuke willingly and frequently associates with.

So the stoic older brother shows up at the Uchiha training grounds as soon as the sun bleeds crimson into the horizon, and normally Sasuke is already there, sitting quietly under the biggest tree. Not that he’s _waiting_ for Itachi or whatever, because it’s lame to seek his older brother’s approval like an attention starved five-year old, and _he’d grown up, he didn’t do these things anymore_.

If allowed, Itachi would flick Sasuke’s forehead like he used to, but unfortunately that falls into the long list of no-no’s that hurt Sasuke’s teenage sensibilities, so he tries not to ruffle his feathers _too often,_ even though he really, really wants to _._

Sasuke doesn’t exactly show that he is happy with the company, but his expression is lighter than normally, which Itachi has taken to mean Sasuke is basically bouncing on the walls like a bundle of pure and undiluted joy.

Plus. Itachi can now mercilessly tease Sasuke about Naruto, who the boy absolutely _refuses_ to admit is his boyfriend. Itachi has started calling him Sasuke’s _‘special friend’_ , which somehow sounds _worse_ than actually saying the word boyfriend, _please, otouto, just boyfriend is more than fine,_ but now it’s much too late.

Naruto is Sasuke’s special friend in Itachi’s eyes.

So, basically, this is how their morning training goes: they meet on the Uchiha training grounds, warm up, do target practice and spar. More often than not, the retired Anbu beautifully kicks Sasuke’s butt, but the youngest boy sometimes manages to leave with his pride somewhat unharmed, which counts as a victory.

Then, they have breakfast, and the conversation usually goes something like this:

“How have you been, Sasuke?”

“Hm.” (Translation: I’m doing fine).

“That is good to know. And how is Naruto?”

This is a question that usually receives less than encouraging responses, but Itachi is nothing if not obstinate when it comes to his little brother’s life and well-being.

This particular morning, Sasuke does a noise that is something between a grunt and a warning hiss, that means things are probably fine too. 

“I am glad. He was worried you would react poorly to one of his latest pranks, but I see he had no reason for concern.”

Glare. Sasuke is glaring at him. He should stop the teasing, but he’s too far gone into annoying big brother mode to make any sane or rational decisions at this point.

“I do hope you are not leaving your teammate as the third wheel, though. That would be most impolite to such a sweet girl as Sakura-chan.”

Knowing that Sakura is probably the farthest thing from being the sweet girl Itachi painted but being almost physically incapable of directly contradicting his older brother and personal idol, Sasuke continues his glare, now with an accompanying scowl.

“She isn’t a third wheel because there’s nothing between that idiot and me to make her the third wheel.”

“Of course not. You are merely special friends.”

The scowl deepens and the youngest boy groans, proving in the process that the human face can, in fact, be pulled enough that the mouth's corners touch the chin. His brother is now helping science by discovering new muscles no one had ever found, not just the shinobi world.

“Stop. Please. You’re embarrassing.”

“Why, Sasuke, I’m hurt. Naruto is much more embarrassing than me, your dear older brother, and he is your boyfriend.” Itachi replies, amused. 

If there was an award for most annoying brother, Itachi would probably win. Not just because he has to be the absolute best in everything he does, but also because he makes a lot of effort to uphold that position. Hell, he could probably make it a sport.

Sasuke buries his face into the palms of his hands, and Itachi thinks his work is done, before remembering, in the last second.

“I brought you lilies. Naruto said they looked beautiful the last time he visited.”

More grunting comes from his right, but Itachi is sure that, being the sensitive, sweet and caring boyfriend that he is somewhere deep within, the younger Uchiha will make his big brother proud and deliver them.

"I believe he'll like them too." The man says, as if the boy had given him a proper answer. 

Daily personal-set mission to completely embarrass and tease younger sibling: check.

Honestly, Itachi had no better way to start his days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys I'm Itachi as an older sib. Spoiler alert: annoying siblings is the coolest sport there is.


End file.
